Saturday, the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. Stillness sets in and reflection becomes surreal. Acceptance. Repentance. Being truthful and honest with oneself…HOPE…searching, seeking & finding Hope. Happy Easter.
As Hope Grows
Just like that….one thought leads to one direction, then in a blink of an eye, another, then another. In the sky is a perfect piece of art.
if only I could tell my face to not respond to random thoughts, haha. It contributes to the resting itch face. Even when thoughts just leave questionable reactions to every facial expression.
I just smiled when I read that. I also shook my head and questioned why did I?
Good golly gert, that almost explains the picture I took of the sky. 🙂
Hi! Such a little word that can mean so much. Tonight sitting on the bench with a spiral college lined notebook, a roll of stamps, some white letter envelopes and a pen.... Flipping through this address book the names bring a memory or thoughtful wishes come flooding my mind. Simply write a heartfelt message and address envelope to be mailed from the post office mail carrier...I almost hold my breath with anticipation of delivery. And will a letter be mailed back? Will the excitement to check the mailbox everyday seem silly or hopeful? Seems like ... well I'll just have to wait and see. It is so nice to have something to look forward to again. The little things in hand written letters are magical. Just a little Day-Brighten-Upper let alone not a bill in the mailbox. When I was asked what I'd like for Christmas, this year, I said a new address book. Many entries have been marked through to enter a new address several times. (Yes, I wrote them in ink.) I was lucky enough to receive that new address book and I have started to fill in the names, addresses, telephone numbers and even some notes! I am so excited! Oh yeah, I am using a pencil. Big grin. Tonight I wrote for hours. Many letters and not too many entries in my new address book. But the ones I did get entered also will be receiving an envelope addressed to them. Once I started filling them in I just had to send a note too. There is a joy in my heart and a peaceful smile on my face that I do not always get from a text or an email. Putting pen to paper is therapeutic! I am looking forward to dropping off these envelopes at the post office and picking up another roll of stamps! Hi! .....
When my mind begins to wonder, if I’m talking to myself for no reason… or if… well, it is that my mind is clearly communicating with my gut. When the self talk starts up and it is not so pleasant, I have to remember where it’s coming from. Wasted rent space in my head will cloud my way to hear what is really going on. If negative thoughts creep in and want to manifest – it’s a choice to allow them. The actual fact that I didn’t realize I advertised to my gut there was rental space available… Then it’s time! Time to take inventory – self inventory.
This is one of the hardest tasks I do. Memories can be daunting and dissecting to the root draws a clear picture. One that can be seen in any light. Many times I want to flip the light switch off and close my eyes and sit with it in the dark. Even thinking when the light comes back on that the picture will magically change. Not true! Not the case!
If there is a problem, until it is brought to light it remains. These are self problems, not others blaming or shaming. It’s all me, self blaming – self loathing for growing pains of a lifetime of experiences. WHAT? Yep, and I believe it’s human nature to remember, relive inside, the good and not so good memories. For me, when the not so good want to hang around, I have to accept that it is time to wipe away the cobwebs – sweep away the debris. Look closely at the picture and see the true colors. Not where the past is, but where overcoming has delivered. The colors become so vivid. Seeing them for what they are.
The foundation has been built and is the perfect place to rebuild all things. Most importantly within. Because no matter what’s inside, it seeps out.
By the grace of God go I…
I’m grateful to make my bed when I awake. I am grateful to be able to do laundry when the hamper is full. Shoot, I’m grateful for the hamper to hold my dirty laundry. The smallest of things appreciated become quite the list of gratitude. I drown out the negativity. My mind and body find a balance. My mind finds peace. The unwelcome negative mind space renter is evicted. My gut health improves because the time and care I begin to invest in myself again.
There are a lot of letter I’s in this. As I look up, into the mirror I say… You have come a long way. You matter to me. Thank you for being you and all you do.. You are appreciated. Oh, and please don’t let so much time come between now and your next gratitude list. Date this and put it away. But share what you are doing somehow, with someone. You never know when something that seems so small to you, could be HUGE to someone else. Really all in all… lifting up, supporting, and encouraging others… well, isn’t that the kind of world we strive to live in? If only we remember to encourage ourselves too.
To thine own self be true!You are Going to know. Integrity
It’s the first drink that will get me drunk, not the 10th. I choose to not take the first drink. No matter who is around, or who around is drinking. I stand firm in my sobriety. To thine own self be true. My first 24 hour chip will always mean the most to me. I remember and still have each one given to me at my AA meeting’s home group. 30 days/1 month, 60 days/2months, 90 days/3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 1 year, 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, 5 years, 6 years, 7 years, 8 years, 9 years 10 years…. it’s been 10 years since my first 24 hours coin. No one will know, Bologna! – I will know. And that matters.
Making the bed this morning, I stubbed my toe while pulling the blanket over the pillows. And while doing laundry one of my white socks was gray, as it fell from some blue jeans in a dark load. I made spaghetti and used fresh sliced French roll with garlic butter and parmesean cheese for my garlic bread and only heated in oven for 5 minutes – croutons was what it reminded me of – I still ate them though. I messaged with some family & friends between day off daily doings… cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, food prep for work lunches, more dishes. Even if a lot of things could have gone wrong; hearing that the spaghetti was really good….well I’ll take that. I’ll remember that today. I’ll remember the smile that crept up on my face while I read my messages. And I will remember how I felt when I heard this…
Until the day is over, you’ll remember it for something else.
If I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve or getting my big girl panties in a bunch, I have a choice. It’s a choice. I’m practicing to chose to reflect on the good. I know when I went to hang the clean towels in the bathroom, the toilet was clean. The sink counter wasn’t sticky. (That will last until I fix my hair and walk out the door again.) When I took the folded laundry into the bedroom, my bed was made up pretty. And just now as I went to turn off the kitchen light, the dishes were done and stovetop clean and counter tops too. So my toe is a little sore, so I have a white and gray sock, so my garlic bread was crunchy. Until the day is over, you’ll remember it for something else.