BE-lieve in YOU-rself

To thine own self be true!

You are Going to know. Integrity

It’s the first drink that will get me drunk, not the 10th. I choose to not take the first drink. No matter who is around, or who around is drinking. I stand firm in my sobriety. To thine own self be true. My first 24 hour chip will always mean the most to me. I remember and still have each one given to me at my AA meeting’s home group. 30 days/1 month, 60 days/2months, 90 days/3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 1 year, 18 months, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, 5 years, 6 years, 7 years, 8 years, 9 years 10 years…. it’s been 10 years since my first 24 hours coin. No one will know, Bologna! – I will know. And that matters.

Making the bed this morning, I stubbed my toe while pulling the blanket over the pillows. And while doing laundry one of my white socks was gray, as it fell from some blue jeans in a dark load. I made spaghetti and used fresh sliced French roll with garlic butter and parmesean cheese for my garlic bread and only heated in oven for 5 minutes – croutons was what it reminded me of – I still ate them though. I messaged with some family & friends between day off daily doings… cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, food prep for work lunches, more dishes. Even if a lot of things could have gone wrong; hearing that the spaghetti was really good….well I’ll take that. I’ll remember that today. I’ll remember the smile that crept up on my face while I read my messages. And I will remember how I felt when I heard this…

Until the day is over, you’ll remember it for something else.

If I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve or getting my big girl panties in a bunch, I have a choice. It’s a choice. I’m practicing to chose to reflect on the good. I know when I went to hang the clean towels in the bathroom, the toilet was clean. The sink counter wasn’t sticky. (That will last until I fix my hair and walk out the door again.) When I took the folded laundry into the bedroom, my bed was made up pretty. And just now as I went to turn off the kitchen light, the dishes were done and stovetop clean and counter tops too. So my toe is a little sore, so I have a white and gray sock, so my garlic bread was crunchy. Until the day is over, you’ll remember it for something else.

So I’m thinking about this girl. She said that she felt so lost … the kind of lost where she had no one to turn to that would understand what she was going through. She even said that one time she went to a new church with a girlfriend, there was an opportunity to go down to the front of the church and have people pray over her.. She literally said to her girlfriend and to her pastor that she wanted to go – but she couldn’t move, that she felt like her feet were glued to the floor. The pastor said that was the saddest thing he’d ever heard and she said her girlfriend then just reached out to her and held her hand. It’s that kind of loss and that kind of fear and that kind of guilt that can eat you alive. That very day opened up a conversation and became the foundation to a friendship that’s lasted decades. Coming to find out these two have a lot more in common than they’d ever thought about. Over the years as life happens, distance happens and communication slows .. there are children born, there’s marriages, there’s divorces, live on life’s terms as life happens – life happens. But to pick up the phone and talk and hear each others voices and infliction with one another or to see each other and sit down and talk … it’s like nothing outside has happened it’s only what’s right there that seems so true and so comforting in that honesty of friendship.

Sometimes thoughts seem so clear, so precise. Planning to write or call or even send a text. Then a day passes.

The self talk that begins on its own until its hushed. Has it gone unnoticed that self talk can mirror kids bullying?

Repeat after me. You is smart (I’m smart) You is kind (I’m kind) You is important (I’m important) No bully zone! Especially within self talk.

Even though I am typing away with the thoughts off the top of my head, I still fight shaking my head thinking why am I even trying a blog?

A movie jerked my chain … a movie? I had enough time to watch a movie but couldn’t write in here? (I did not view the movie in one setting, it was on breaks during 12 hour shifts.) Speaking of, I have started this 5 times now. Each time a distraction would arise, I just hit return and come back to it.

One day I’ll actually just structure paragraphs. The fact that connecting with another human being – even if just for a moment – can be life changing; intrigues me wonderfully…… and not something to take for granted.

Happiness is actually an art of living, which is in us.

When something you read makes you think about it.

Some things are worth fighting for. YOU are worth the fight, I’d fight your fight for you; but God says it’s your fight. You are the only person on Earth who can use your ability. I love you…

Then in turn when I need reminded myself it looks and feels like this…

Some things are worth fighting for. I am worth fighting for. I’d ask you to fight my fight for me; but God says it’s my fight – I am the only person on Earth who can use My abilities.

Definitely worth the fight, you matter.